Of Mice & Men - Debut Album

I think my problem is that my words are too big and my mouth is too small.

See, thing is that I spent my entire primary school years in silence. I said very little and kept to myself, because if I tried to join in on games and RP-ing, I would get shot down. I was bullied for most of my childhood, and even though my mum tried to stop it, nothing ever changed. So I kept my mouth shut about my feelings because nobody ever asked.

When I came to high school and made friends, it was practically impossible to shut me up, because I have a tendency to babble when I get nervous. Take JD. for instance, I like him a lot, and whenever I'm around him, I have word vomit. Words come out but really I say very little. Afterwards, I always think why the hell did I say that? Or do something stupid. Usually I regret my actions and words later on.

I very often spend my nights banging my head against my pillow, trying to wrap my head around why I did or said something. Sometimes I'm good, sometimes I'm almost normal and can talk normally at a normal speed and about things that are actually interesting. Others, the only way to get me to stay quiet is by stuffing my mouth with a sock or a gag.

To be honest, this is the first time I've come clean about my babbling. Everyone thinks that I've always been his way, but I haven't. Often, I wish I was that way again. Usually, I wish I could go back to being The Invisible Girl. Life is so much easier when you are invisible.

I seriously need to learn to control my motor mouth though. I feel as if there is something wrong with me.

Actually, I always feel that way.

Then again, I'm a sixteen year old girl who has never had a boyfriend, never been kissed, and has suicidal thoughts everyday, almost every hour. I believe myself to be a dying species called "Virgins". You may have heard of us, we're going extinct after all.

Omg, I am a panda o.O

(A dream come true!)

Anyway. I guess I'm happy, most of the time. Apart from the omg kill me now part which is in every teenager, let's face it. I'm nothing unusual. Ish. I would like to think I was, but I know I'm not. I'm awkward, but not in the way that means I'm quiet, you know, the other way round.

Another thing: I talk a lot about boyfriends and love. Truth is that I don't want love, I just want a boyfriend. Not for the 'benefits' of it, although I'm sure that part would be nice too. I want the part where you can be in the company of someone you like and be able to kiss them and hold their hand and hug them and just be happy to spend time with them a lot.

Honestly, I want something easy. Love is hard, I don't want it.

In case I haven't mentioned, I'm thinking about asking out JD. next week. Thoughts to anyone who reads this? No? Didn't think so.

Emily xx

The Pretty Reckless - Light Me Up

I have good news and bad news.

The bad news? My best friend and I are Splitzville.

The good news? I had a great weekend.

Having a good weekend isn't a huge deal for most people, but I don't usually have that many good ones. I mostly just stay at home, in bed, headphones on, browsing the Internet. Fyi, I avoid homework at every possible chance I can get. This weekend though, I was working in the charity shop I volunteer at, and had a surprisingly good time. There was a really really really cute guy there on Sunday, so I feel it is my duty, as a somewhat mature, sophisticated young woman, to drool over him. That's my next Sunday sorted.

It's not just that though, I bought the quite possibly the most perfect vintage silver locket over the weekend too. It's gorgeous and I love it and want to wear it all the time. Alas, we have a damned school uniform >.<

On a less cheerful note... me and L.

Well, this girl (I.) used to be a good friend of mine. Of course, now there is this sort of ongoing bitch-out between us. You know, who can bring the other down faster and all. I'm not a very bitchy person bear in mind, I don't even hate her, I just hate how people think they can do things like this to other people.

Anyway, I. and myself used to talk all the time on Skype and in school and stuff, when suddenly she got a boyfriend and everything changed. She stopped taking to me as much, and he started saying I was copying her. True, I love BVB as much as her (probably more), and yes, I did join Tumblr, but only because she seemed to talk about it all the time. Apparently I dyed my hair to look like hers, because now mine is brown and hers is jet black.

Blah blah blah. Long story short? We don't like each other. And L. stayed friends with her, which I didn't mind, she has the right to be friends with whoever she wants, it's her life. But when she ditches me with strangers so she can chill out with I. and her Group? Oh hell no, me no like that at all.

So I told her I didn't like it. I told her I thought I. was a manipulative bitch. I said other things too, but none as bad as that. Her counter was "Well, if you're going to judge I. and say those things I don't want to be your friend anymore."

For me, that's that.

What is said is said, and although it was likely heat of the moment, I don't want to have a friend who acts like that.

On a more positive note, I get to sit next to my crush tomorrow for ONE WHOLE HOUR. Soooo looking forward to it :)

Emily xx

Metallica - Black Album

I've never tried blogging in this sense before. I mean, I have a tumblr account and I go on it regularly, but I have never owned an account in which I come on and record my life before. That said, I've tried writing a diary before, and needless to say it hasn't really worked out...

I have decided  that all that is about to change now. I am going to run this blog and come on as often as I can. Nobody will read my musings, but it's something I am doing for myself in a way. Like, if I get my thoughts and feelings written out, I'll be able to work through things better. In a way. I guess?

So... this is me, Emily Zara Jackson, writing everything down. Sorry I'm not very interesting. Sorry I talk a lot. Sorry I complain a lot. Sorry for a lot of things in advance, because, you know, I'm polite like that :)

Well, I guess I should start with a little about myself:

♦ I love rock music. My favourite bands include Sleeping With Sirens (SWS), Pierce The Veil (PTV), You Me At Six (YMAS), All Time Low (ATL) and Black Veil Brides (BVB). I also like Paramore, Of Mice & Men (OM&M), Metallica, A Day To Remember (ADTR), Halestorm, The Letter Black (TLB), A Skylit Drive (ASD), AC/DC and Three Days Grace (TDG). Hell, that's a lot of music :D

♣ I have a beagle named Archie who I adore. Most likely he'll crop up every now and then.

♠ My room is filled with books because I am a compulsive book buyer and lover of the written word.

♥ I am currently learning the art of the guitar - meaning I'll probably complain about the slow-going as it is.

♦ I am obsessed with Alice in Wonderland. It's amazing and your argument is invalid.

♣ I'm trying to be a writer, or an author, or whatever . Anyway. I just love to write, so I might post some short stories I write on here...?

Erm. There's probably more, but it's late and I'm tired and sleep is one of my favourite things to do, so I'm signing out for now. Hope someone reads this.

xx Emily