We Came As Romans

I'm happy.

I can't believe I just typed that, but it's true. I am actually happy right now. I mean, my life is still complicated as hell and stuff, but I like the way my social standing is.

Nothing awkward has happened with me and S. which I am unbelievably relieved for. If we had stopped being friends I don't know what I would have done, I really don't. He's a great friend, and such a lovely person, but I'm starting to worry about him in other aspects now. I'm not sure if it's my place or not to get involved either, maybe it is I don't know >.<

Basically, you remember I mentioned the boy I was in love with? H.? Well, his slutty ex has started to flirt with S. right in front of him, and H. thinks that S. is encouraging her. To be honest, I don't see it, but having never flirted with anyone in my life, I really wouldn't know, would I? Thing is, I'm not jealous (maybe a little because she gets to sit with them in class and stuff) but I'm worried about H. I don't want him and S. to fall out over that bitch, she isn't worth it. I heard H. say it himself in class today, I probably shouldn't have been listening in but it's so hard not to.

I think I'm starting to get feelings for H. again. Today we had a conversation - kind of - for the first time in over a year and I couldn't stop thinking that one line over and over in my head. Wow, I forgot how damn cute he is :( I know he doesn't feel that way about me, probably hates that I've been accepted into their group (more on that!) but I don't think he hates me. I hope he doesn't. And if he does, he has a funny way of showing it, especially because apparently one lesson he had with his ex he really dug into her about all the crap she's done/did. That is probably one of the reasons I like him so much: we both see past her façade of 'little miss innocent'. A lot of girls do, but the boys I hang out with don't. I'm glad she hasn't been with us this week, I feel much more comfortable and happier without her there.

Anyway, I spoke to my friend, LL., today. Apparently that bitch I., who is in their group because of her boyfriend and stuff, was spreading rumours about me. Saying I asked out S. to prom and he said no blah blah blah. To be fair, I did ask him out, but that was last week, and apparently that rumour arose about a month ago. LL. told me she went up to I. and her boyfriend and told them to lay off me because I'm part of their group now, which made me smile :) I like feeling like a part of something, but I do not want to get involved in the drama of it all. That's too much trouble, way more than it's ever worth.

The boys didn't act any different with me though, especially S., so they either didn't hear the rumours, didn't care, or didn't believe them. I'm happy I didn't know about it at the time, I would have felt awful. I hate that bitch I. for what she did to me with my friends turning against me, this is not entirely surprising really. I hope nothing else happens.

I have a 5 hour assessment in textiles tomorrow. Woo. Wish me luck >.<

Emily xx