We Are The Ocean - Maybe Today, Maybe Tomorrow

I'm a bad person.

A very bad person.

I mean, is it wrong to like the best friend of someone you used to be in love with?

I think it is, therefore, I'm a bad person.

Ugh. I guess I'm going to have to explain the situation for the 115th time now. Oh joy.

Okay. December 2010. I start talking to this guy I used to be close to, H., and everything is great. We've become friends again and we have a lot in common, which doesn't happen a lot to me, sadly. Anyway, we had a conversation one night about the sexual politics of men and women, which ended in him saying "I love you but I don't know what to do about it."

We went out twice and talked, and I eventually texted him saying "I used to be scared to open up to people, but I'm not anymore." Surprise, surprise, he said he wanted to remain friends???

He stopped talking to me, and every time I tried to talk to him again, he ignored me and told me to fuck off and leave him alone and shit. Sadly, by this time I was in love with him.

That was a long time ago, I know, and I'm passed it. He didn't take me seriously, yet I always think that he deserves better than the girl he settled on, who everyone knows is a cheater, even him. Poor H., I know I shouldn't feel bad for him, but I can't deny that I do.

Anyway, I started sitting next to his best friend, S., for my Psychology lessons, due to a totally uncalled for seating plan. He's so sweet and funny and cute and clever and when he smiles it reaches his eyes. He doesn't know about me and and H. and I plan to keep it that way, more than anything else it's just embarrassing.

Our last Psych. lesson, we started work on the self, and one of the activities we had to do was write down ten things we did the day before. After that, S. said "I do the same thing every day" and I said "Why not do something different then?"

After a while I said we'd make a deal and shake hands on it: we both had to do something totally obscure and different that we'd never done before, and next lesson we had together we'd tell each other what it was we did :)

I finally found something to do, but haven't spoken to him yet. Awww, I hope that goes well :/

Other than that little rant, I started working at another charity last Sunday. It was okay, only my feet were dying from all the standing around I had to do! Plus, it was really awkward because I didn't really know or have a lot in common with the girl I worked with. She was very nice and all, I just didn't have much in common with her. She didn't even like the same music as me! Which, honestly, there are few other topics I talk about if not music :)

Emily xxx